"Leo Sayer - When I Need You" Or Rather "Man & Bear"

Just to share...
One of Daddy's favourite video since the inception of internet.
Now the kids like it so much too!!
They refer it as the "Man & Bear" video...
Watch out for the last part, where the bear actually took a bite at Leo's arm....
the kids find it hilarious...

Phenomenon of Daddy's Gal and Mommy's Boy

Being a Father to a girl and a boy, i cannot help but feel amazed by the Phenomenon of Daddy's Girl and Mommy's Boy..... and here it goes:-

"Daddy's girl is a phrase that can be interpreted in two ways. First, a daddy's girl can be the result of the way in which a man dotes on his daughter, coddling and protecting her and giving her whatever she wants. A daddy's girl knows that she is her father’s life and often takes advantage of the fact that he can’t stand to see her cry. A daddy's girl can never do anything wrong and is as innocent as the day is long.

Because a daddy's girl is the light of her father’s life, she may be under lock and key. In fact a daddy's girl may proudly - or not - declare that she is owned by her father. A father might try to shelter his daughter from all the unsavory aspects of life, preventing her from developing her independence.

With the view that she is delicate and helpless, a daddy's girl can easily turn into a little princess. However, the opposite is often true as well. A daddy's girl can learn from her father how to play sports, climb trees, fix things, and so on. In this way, a daddy's girl can also become a tomboy. Many daddy's girls feel frustrated when they reach adolescence and develop an interest in dating, because their fathers rarely think that any boy will ever be good enough to date their daughter.

The second meaning of a daddy's girl is a girl that shows a great particularity for her father and does everything to please him. A daddy's girl puts her father on top of the world where no other man could ever measure up. This type of daddy's girl strives to impress her father, seeking approval, and is highly concerned about how he thinks of her. This situation is a great example of the Electra complex, a psychoanalytic concept that refers to a female’s unconscious tendency to form a close attachment to her father and to subsequently exhibit hostility to her mother.


A mommy's boy is a boy or a man who has a very close relationship with his mother. As an adult, a mommy’s boy may talk to his mother on a daily basis and spend more time with her than some consider normal. Often, he will turn to his mother when he needs advice and may respect her opinion above that of other family members and friends. In some cases, a mommy’s boy may continue to live at home with his mother far longer than most adults. A mommy’s boy willingly does things for his mother whenever she needs help and vice versa.

Usually, the term mommy's boy carries negative connotations. These men are seen as overprotected, smothered, and incapable of doing things for themselves. Interestingly, however, daddy’s girls are not viewed as negatively. As such, it may be concluded that many view a close and protective relationship between a father and daughter as healthy, yet consider a man’s close relationship with his mother wrong and unnatural.

Often, the person who has the strongest feelings of displeasure concerning a mommy's boy’s relationship with is mother is his wife or girlfriend. Frequently, a woman in this position feels insecure about the attention the mommy's boy gives his mother. She may believe his attention should be centered on her. The wife or girlfriend of the mommy's boy may be angered when he seeks his mother’s advice or shares intimate details about their relationship with her. Women in this situation often become extremely resentful of the mother/son relationships.


In all fairness, the mother of a mommy's boy may feel jealous and resentful as well. She may believe her son’s significant other isn’t good enough for him. In fact, she may feel that no woman is really good enough for her son. In some cases, the mother of a mommy's boy may actually interfere with her son’s romantic relationship, attempting to cause problems and remain the center of his attention. The mommy's boy may be unaware or unwilling to face up to the negative emotions or behavior of either woman in his life.

Though being a mommy's boy is often viewed negatively. It is interesting to note that many people think a man’s treatment of his mother is indicative of the way he will treat his wife or girlfriend. If that is true and the man can love both women, a mommy's boy may actually be a good partner in a close, romantic relationship. That is, of course, if the new woman can find a way to embrace his relationship with mommy and gain her acceptance as well."

So ask yourself.....
are you in the process of raising a Mommy's Boy or Daddy's Girl as well?

The willful child

Cant help but vaguely remember the above being the title of a parenting book.

Its also the description of our little girl.

Sophie.

From an easy baby, Soph has grown to be a really willful toddler.

Since she understood the meaning of "I want..." life has been full of trials, tears and screams in our house.

If one should refrain her from doing something or take away something that she wants, she goes into a screaming frenzy. Big tears roll down her face. She bites her hand, many many times (leaving deep teeth marks and red patches), to release her anger and unhappiness. She screams. Cries. Hollers.

She will go on and on and on and on. Without stop. No need to catch a breath. No regard for anything else other than what she had set her heart on earlier. No amount of distraction will work.

If someone is carrying her, she will scratch our face, pull our hair, punch and kick us whilst trying to wriggle out of our arms.

Last week, I stopped her from playing with toys at the gym after class. She refused. Gave her some time and tried to stop her again. Again, she said "NO" (her favorite word, yes she is going through the infamous no phase). But as we had really been there for a long time, every other student had gone off, I told her we are keeping the toys. 

She screamed when I put them back. And screamed and cried. And hurled herself to the ground. There she goes, rolling on the ground, arms flailing and feet kicking. I scooped her up trying to placate or distract her. She scratched and hit me, and screamed even louder. I put her back on the floor.

She went on and on and on for a long long time. The counter staff tried to placate her by giving her some stuff but she didnt even bat them an eyelid. She just went on. Screaming wailing.

I, I just sat by the side and looked at her. Since I cant stop her, I'll just give her time to vent it all out. So I sat there and she cried, screamed for about 15 minutes. Finally the screams slowly tapered off, not by choice mind you, but from sheer exhauastion. There was snot coming out of her nose, and she was wet with perspiration, and simply tired. We finally could leave.

And no, this is not something unusual of her. If I allow it, she will throw this same tantrum at least once a day. As a minimum. Without fail. 

I know I am not supposed to compare, but really, K was never like this. Never throwing tantrums on the ground. To this degree. I guess it is what they call personality. Either cos she is born strong, or, moulded by the environment cos she has to fight for her rights (with a bossy brother who dont really like to share yet). 

I dunno. But really, she is tough to handle at this point. So if you ask me, what does Sophie stand for, I will have to say S for Sophie means Stubborn, Strong, Silly (for biting herself when angry) and Sensitive.

I know her Grandma does not wish to see her scream her head off (which grandmother does!) but as a Mom, I choose a different stand. WK and I choose to let her vent it out. No giving in cos it will only lead her to think that screaming lets her get her way. I know it is painful in the mean time, but it is the same road I will take. Similar as with K a few months back (even now). 

And hopefully she will understand that tantrums are not acceptable. And thus, no point screaming. 

I just wonder how long will it take the willful child to get the message? :) I hope soon, as I definitely cannot bear being in a 5hour flight with a screaming kid and unhappy fellow passengers (we are going to Perth next month).

And well, below is a sample of her tantrum (its towards the end already, ie. already at 50% the usual intensity) taken just at noon today. Reason? Cos she doesnt want me to take the cup away - she was playing with water while I washed her after lunch.

And this is a photo of her throwing a fit.

By the way, my description of her being sensitive.... Should anyone (really, I mean anyone) were to raise our voice at her, she will break into tears. She really cries. Maybe cos she is a girl, but we cant even tell her off, eg "Sophie, dont throw the food to the ground" at an octave higher, she just wails. And she goes into the tantrum phase already - starts with biting her hand, screams, hollers, kicks and punch.

Its really a challenge having kids!

Sleeping with Kayden

Good Evening Ma'am

I feed Sophie 150ml 7:45pm she's ok after drink milk go to sleep. No cry at all. About Kayden Madam (Grandma) help me to bathe and im the one company while drink milk. You know Ma'am after drink milk He told me "Auntie Gigi I want to sleep by my own" How nice to heard.

Goodnight Ma'am. 20 minutes he sleep already.

Gigi

***********************************************

I came home from dinner and Julia Gabriel's orientation at 9.25pm and found the above note from my helper. Yeah, thats our usual mode of communication when I come back late. It started when I was still at work, sometimes, I come back really late, around 10+ after a late evening in the office and then a meal with WK. I told her not to wait for me, she should go to sleep once the kids are settled. So we started the notes business :) I will also leave her notes if I want to pass her a message after she goes to bed.

But the special thing about her note today is about the boy.

Kayden has finally learn to sleep on his own. All by himself.

It started last week.... Mei cried as I was putting K to bed (ie which of course means having to lie down next to him). So I told him "Mama needs to feed Mei. You stay here and sleep. I will come back as soon as I feed Mei and she is asleep." That strange night, he really abided. When I came back, he was already asleep. No pottering over to Mei's room asking to join me or invite me to go back with him.

Yesterday, the same thing happened so I told him the same. This time Gigi was with him and she was so so so so surprised that she can actually leave him in the darkened room all by himself without having to sit by his bed until he is asleep.

Today is the 3rd day, and look, he even requested for her to leave. My oh my.

This is really a gigantic step forward in this sleep business and I am so so so so delighted! No more having to co-sleep with him also as he goes to sleep in his own bed (although he still finds his way into our bed in the middle of the night)!

But really... as Gigi put it right in the money.... It is so (so so so so so so so so) nice to hear!

Breastmilk

To me, one of the greatest gift for the kids would be to provide them with breastmilk for as long as is possible.

With K, he was bf for 2.5years. Although after Mei was born, he takes Mei's excess milk in a bottle and no longer feeds direct. Today, he no longer remembers that he used to latch on :) He also does not dare to anymore, leaving the direct suckling to his sister.

For Mei, my supply was very healthy and I managed to stock up a lot of milk cos I continued to pump the excess when she didnt clear the breasts. I had to resort to buying a separate freezer as the freezer in the fridge ran out of space. At the peak, I probably have about 400bottles of milk averaging 120ml (I think). I used glass bottles, Avent cups as well as breastmilk bags all that can hold various amount. So I cant really ascertain for sure how many litres I have in storage. To me, running out of freezer space was a happy problem. I would rather have extra milk than none as during K's time - he went on the formula quite early, around a year old, ie when I wasnt at home (I was still working then).

Right now, as I dont pump anymore (cos my body no longer wants to let down to the pump), I no longer collect EBM. We are slowly using up the supply... although at a very slow rate as I feed her direct 99% of the time. She is only given EBM in the bottle when I am not at home.

So right now, my stand-alone freezer looks like this.
 

In my hey-days, it was the above, drawers all full plus an extra plastic bucket in the uppermost shelf plus the freezer photos in here.

We'll have to quickly use them up soon though as the oldest milk's from Sept 07 - ie 3 more months to expiry! Think will have to start feeding K again to accelerate the consumption. During K's time, I only stored it for 3 months, not knowing it can last 6 months and hence, fed the 'expired' ones to Rusty who happily lapped it up :) With a standalone freezer that is rarely open (maybe once a month to transfer to the fridge) EBM can keep for 12months.

The protector

Rusty, our English Cocker Spaniel is definitely more neglected since the children came. 

An ex-colleague, Leroy asked, how is your dog around the kids? Well, he has never been the playful type. He is usually contented lying curled up in his bed or on the floor. Also at least once during the day, he continues with his favorite past-time of sun tanning... Usually now he finds a spot of sunlight that filter in through the window as he is not allowed into the garden.

So coming back to him and kids, well, he usually dont really have much regard for them. Sophie loves to touch him play with him, and he allows her to do so for a few seconds before dodging off and snoop away. He only actively seek to be around them at meal times, for food scavenging! As yes, both kids are still messy eaters.

Just 2 days ago however, he came up to the 2nd floor in the wee hours of the morning of 6am. I know Mei's awake, not crying though, talking to herself as I could hear her on the baby monitor. But our dear dog was worried, he came and scratched the door to wake me up (he has not done so for years!). I went to him and told him "OK Rusty, Mama is awake, I will go to Mei Mei. Please go downstairs. Thank you." He scampered off, contented, but still a little worried as he made a few small whines until I retreated into Mei's room.

Later in the day, he growled at Grandpa who is all dressed up in a shirt and tie when he approached Mei at her highchair. He probably tot Mei was threatened! 

Yeah, our dog has occasionally, or actually regularly protected the kids from "harm" - as defined by his big brown chocolate eyes. He did the same for K when he was younger, see here. 

He definitely is a good family dog. But for strangers, he is a menace. He dislikes and distrust strangers in the house, often growling and threatening on sight.

He is good to the kids. No complains. When the kids are older perhaps, he will once again become the centre of our attention...

What's Happening to our Young Guns of Singapore Armed Forces

A particular news article brought back memories. It also reminded me of one of my many unfinished post.

I wrote then- "I was extremely upset and disappointed when i read the article about a training incident that led to the death of another SAF soldier. This was just one of the several cases of training related death over the last one year. Worse still, i believe the major cause of the recent death was due to negligence. Being a father now, i finally understand how my parents felt when we were drafted into National Service for 2.5 yrs......." This was written about 2 years back...

In between my unfinished post till now, there were several other training incidents that led to the deaths of young servicemen. 2 year back, I reacted to these news with anger, sadness and even disgust. I was also afraid and concern about the safety and lives of my children if they were to perform their National Service in the future. I wondered what sort of advice i should be giving them? Should i advise them to take up the role of 'keng' king or 'sotong' king and hope for a clerical position? or Should i encourage them to perform their best in the army? Obviously, i couldn't trust SAF to look after my kids.

2 yrs on, I still feel sad upon reading the news of another 2 training related deaths and my heart goes out to the family of these servicemen. But i began to differ in my opinion on the issue. As of today, i feel that SAF has done a lot in looking after their servicemen and the ultimate responsibility lies with the servicemen and their friends to look after themselves & each other.

My 13 years stint in the army gave me a good insight on how trainings were held and how at times, unprofessional some of the trainers can be. But luckily for me, i was surrounded by people whom i trust and who shares the same priorities as me - that is to train hard but train smart and safety always comes first. But still, each and everyone of us had our fair share of 'dangerous moments'.



One of my more memorable experience was during a battalion exercise in my 3rd reservist in-camp. I was instructed to simulate arty bombardments at the very last minute. Given that i was never really 'operationally ready' trained (i was vocationally trained in the first year of my NS days but was subsequently appointed into another role ever since), I was left all alone at the top of a deserted hill at 3am in the morning. I had 40 detonators and some explosives. I wasn't sure what to do. The best i could was to try recalling the last time i handled such stuff which was 6 years back.

Holding an L-torch using my mouth to see in pitch black darkness, i started off 100% in accordance to safety regulations. That includes wearing protective goggles + ear plugs, the 3 finger rule, looking away and clamping the detonators by the side of my body. But as i busily clamped away at the detonators, tiredness of holding the L-torch with my mouth, the dripping sweat and smogged vision got into me. By the time i was into my 15th detonator, i was clamping the detonators in full front, without goggles and ear plugs. I needed a clear vision cos the threshold of error was just a few centimeters before blowing off my 3 fingers. I risked my eye sight & ear drums for my 3 fingers. It was a calculated risk but necessary choice to make. It took me an hour to arm the 40 detonators. I was exhausted by the end of it but relieved.



There were many theories with regards to the higher 'sudden' death counts compared to the past. Factors including junk food, computers, less resilient bodies, fitness issues were mentioned. For me, i believe it could be due to the way our younger generation were brought up. The latest generation of NSF soldiers were brought up in an extremely competitive environment. Right from the start of their education life, they were taught to push themselves to or even over their limits. The worse possibility is that many of them doesn't know their own limits. A case of expectations greater than ability or Over-confidence. This "Die Die must do it" attitude coupled with the inability to think independently or rationally at times might have led to these training related incidents.

As a parent to 2 kids, i will do my part in instilling my beliefs to my kids. One doesn't have to be a hero or heroine all the time. One must learn to take care of themselves first before being able to look after others. One should always think independently and rationally even in times of extreme difficulties. One should surround oneself with friends and people that one trust. With these in mind & hopefully, TT & i can sleep in peace when our boy start his NS in about 16 yrs time.

McDonalds - A Truly Wonderful Experience!

Someone told me lately not to bring my kids to eat McDonald's. Another friend rejected my invite for a meal at McDonald's. The former for obvious health reasons. The latter rejected my invite because he feels that McDonald's are for kids.

I personally find McDonald's a truly wonderful experience. I never had this feeling towards McDonald's until recently when i brought my 2.5yr old Totti K to one recently. The nice outlet located near the junction of queensway and farrer road was well hidden in the lush surrounding greenery & away from the noise of traffic despite relatively near a road junction.

I placed my boy sitting on the counter and ordered a Happy Meal (this was the first time i ever ordered a Happy Meal). The colourful design of the meal drew the attention of my boy. Our first surprise came in the form of a cute little green toy car packaged nicely together with the meal. We paid for the food and found a corner seat by the window.



This was the first time we had McDonald's together. Totti K sat happily throughout the meal, munching away at the crispy fries and drinking his apple juice. He finished the whole cheese burger on his own and also ate more than half of the corn side dish. Halfway through his meal, a friendly staff came along and gave Totti K a balloon! I was impressed with the level of service and the quality of the meal. It was a hassle free, nice and peaceful meal experience for us indeed.

All clear (almost)

What a huge relief yesterday...

Her blood test churned out a Negative for dengue but white blood count and platelets low... the doc explained that it indicates a viral infection, and this could be a stronger strain that lasts slightly longer... he said the fever should be down by today, if not, need to send her back for more tests tomorrow.

Somehow, after seeing the doctor and collecting the results at noon, Mei became her usual self when we came home... perhaps she is relieved too! :) Even demanded food again...

Good news, her fever came down and she just has low grade fever of max 38 since yesterday pm! Hooray! :) And Mich, looks like we can make it to Sentosa after all this Friday, yippeee!!! :)

Basic needs

Mei has been having high fever for 6 days now.... If we miss a dose of Nurofen at 6hr intervals, the temperature can go up to 40 degrees celcius. For 2 nights, it has gone to 40.5.

After 5 anguished days and nights, I brought her to the PD early this morning. 

As fever is still high, PD said it doesnt fit the usual viral infection symptoms. Hence, we did a urine test, which came out negative, no UTI. Then we went for a blood test... I dunno what its for, but dengue is one of them.

Now I am home, waiting for the results. I didnt want to wait at the hospital.

Mei is asleep now, and K is playing with his construction vehicles aka Bob the Builder and trains aka Thomas and Friends.

You know, when life throws you a curveball and hits the most basic component of health and vitality. It really dawns on me how sometimes the basics of life are so easily overlooked, there I am always wishing for something more, something extraordinary, when really, all that makes one truly happy is to have our basic needs fulfilled.

I wish that Mei will be OK soon and that this is nothing serious. 

Will write again soon, with good news. I dont want anything else.

We hate Mosquitoes - Exercise "KTPM"

Fed up with my persistent headache, which lasted for a week and my poor daughter's uncontrollable fever, i decided to go on a killing spree.

Somehow, i attributed both our misfortunes to mosquitoes. My conclusion came about after spending just one night in Sophie's room. I was besieged by mosquitoes that night and my wild swings in the middle of the night even had one mosquito squashed right onto the pillow. The next day onwards, i shivered at the thought of Sophie having to spend the night all alone in her room with mosquitoes attacking her....so helpless.



As we only had one Advante "Blackhole" Mosquitoes buster, we had to alternate it in both Sophie's room and ours.

And so i snapped.... right after bringing my sick daughter out to the garden. For a mere few seconds, i was bitten. I left Sophie in my mom's care and went upstairs to arm myself with an almost empty & definitely >5 yrs old odourless bottle of Shelton Spray.

Exercise "KTPM" - "Kill Those Pesty Mosquitoes" was about to begin. The exercise was simple. Just stand still in the garden, using my legs as baits and spray at mosquitoes that tries to land on my legs. It was gruesome, self sacrificial but necessary...

The final score after 10 minutes :-

Home - 7 mosquitoes + 1 fly
Away - 2 bites


I also discovered a potential mosquito breeding ground - a big plant sitting uncomfortably in a huge flower pot.















Apparently, there were still water gathering among the roots. Couple of mosquitoes flew when i kicked the pot. By then, my ammo was finished. So i got my mom to continue with the spraying with her new bottle of insecticide.











With my sexy hairy legs wet with insecticide, i ended the exercise successfully but swore to do more against Mosquitoes. They are pests and i definitely will not allow my children to be subjected to these pests' attacks anymore... at least not in our house.